令我空欢喜
发表于 2022-11-24 17:56:25
当“恋爱脑”步入婚姻，会发生什么？
<p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">最近，#王宝钏挖野菜#，#王宝钏恋爱脑#等话题引起了热议，让大家操碎了心。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">王宝钏挖野菜的故事中：宰相千金王宝钏深深爱上了穷乞丐薛平贵后，不惜与父亲断绝关系，从宰相千金变成了乞丐婆。在一起没多久后，薛平贵外出打仗，王宝钏苦守寒窑挖了18年的野菜。而最终，薛平贵被西凉王公主看上，娶了公主当了西凉王。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"></span><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">大家纷纷表示要杜绝和远离 “恋爱脑”。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">但是也有人说到，爱情本就不是清醒的，群嘲“恋爱脑”是克制情感的自由流动。正如史铁生在《病隙碎笔》中写道：</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: inherit;">你要爱就要像一个痴情的恋人那样去爱，像一个忘死的梦者那样去爱，视他人之疑目如盏盏鬼火，大胆去走你的夜路。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">这真切地流露出爱的真谛和可贵之处，但不禁让我们陷入一个迷思：</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;">究竟什么是成熟的爱，非常热烈地投入爱情是错的吗？到底什么才能被称为“恋爱脑”（即不成熟的爱）？</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">可见，区分真实的爱以及“恋爱脑”是非常有必要的。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><h1 style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-size: 24px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); text-align: center;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;">01</span></h1><h1 style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-size: 24px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); text-align: center;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;">“恋爱脑”具体有哪些表现</span></h1><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">一般来说，我们认为“恋爱脑”指的是一种爱情至上的思维模式，这种模式大部分时候表现为：一谈恋爱就把全部精力和心思放在恋人身</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">上，似乎生活中就只剩下爱情一件事。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">从心理学角度来看，“恋爱脑”可能有以下一些</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; text-decoration-line: underline;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;">具体表现</span></span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">：</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; text-decoration-line: underline;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;">认知层面：</span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;">1）</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">不现实的投射，对伴侣理想化，追求“完美的被爱感”</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">：</span></span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">“TA是那个可以拯救我的人。”“恋爱脑”个体倾向于依靠另一个人来满足对安全感、权力、身份、归属感和意义的渴望。在关系中要求和期待无条件的爱。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;">2）</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">低自尊，更可能“离不开伴侣”</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">。</span></span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">“恋爱脑”个体害怕被抛弃和放手，会竭尽全力去维系一段关系。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; text-decoration-line: underline;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;">行为层面：</span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"></span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;">1）</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;">“All in 婚恋观”</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">：“想要被爱，就要为TA牺牲付出。”“恋爱脑”个体常表现为一味付出，不求回报。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;">2）</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;">矛盾型依恋</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">：“我很喜欢你，但是当我发现你也喜欢我的时候，我好像就不那么喜欢你了，甚至讨厌你。”矛盾型依恋者的内在安全感和信任感是极其不稳定的。Feeney（1991）发现了消极形式的爱和焦虑-矛盾依恋之间的联系。矛盾型依恋的爱情关系是最不稳定的，更可能将爱情理想化，倾向于用极端的方式获取自己的爱情。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"></p><h6 style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-size: 12px; font-weight: 400; color: rgb(153, 153, 153); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); text-align: center;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"> 图 | 电影《被嫌弃的松子的一生》</span></h6><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; text-decoration-line: underline;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; text-decoration-line: underline;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;">情感层面：</span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"></span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">1）</span>对伴侣极度</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">“情感依赖”</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"></span></span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">：爱情是TA对某个人的一种依赖，以试图满足自己那些未满足的需要，避免感情上的痛苦或是逃避问题（Schaeffer, 2009）。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">2） 当涉及到伴侣时，</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">容易</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"></span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">情绪不稳定</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">。</span></span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">研究表明（Alice et al., 2022），爱情成瘾个体在应对抑郁、孤独、内疚、羞耻、焦虑和痛苦等负面情绪时存在困难，TA们会通过寻求伴侣的存在作为主要和/或唯一的应对策略，试图防止或减少无法忍受的情绪，从而导致成瘾行为。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">3）无法恰当地</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">识别和表达</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">自己的情绪和感受。</span></span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">爱情成瘾可能与述情障碍有关，这意味着TA对自己的情绪缺乏意识，难以识别和交流。这可能与早期的成长经历有关，爱情成瘾的个体一般会在一个控制欲极强、缺乏感情的环境中成长。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><h1 style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-size: 24px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); text-align: center;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;">02</span></h1><h1 style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-size: 24px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); text-align: center;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;">当“恋爱至上”进入婚姻，会出现哪些问题</span></h1><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">心理学研究者Noller（1996）在文章中强调：<span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;">不成熟的爱，不利于建立和维持稳定、健康和幸福的家庭关系，而是倾向于关注爱人的短期需求，并忽视对他人的责任和义务。</span>尽管这些不成熟的爱情形式有明确的情感基础，但它们仍然是由想法驱动的。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">1）</span></span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">可能会陷入</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">不良的互动模式</span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"></span></span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">：</span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">研究表明，丈夫寻求亲密的愿望越强烈，<span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;">丈夫要求/妻子回避</span>（Husband demand-Wife withdraw）的模式则会越强烈；当妻子寻求亲密的愿望更强烈时，<span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;">妻子要求/丈夫回避</span>（Wife demand-Husband withdraw）的模式则会更加强烈。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">因此，“恋爱脑”个体可能成为婚姻中的追逐者。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">这种互动模式具体表现为“一方（追逐者/要求者）批评、不断唠叨、向另一方提出要求，而伴侣（退缩者/回避者）逃避正面接触和沟通。”</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">在不同国家中的实证研究中，均发现要求/回避的互动模式对关系满意度是有害的（Christensen et al.,2006）。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"></p><h6 style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-size: 12px; font-weight: 400; color: rgb(153, 153, 153); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); text-align: center;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">图 | 电影《革命之路》</span></h6><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">2）过于卑微，可能会导致夫妻双方的</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">权利不平等</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">。</span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"></span></span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">这不仅会影响到婚姻质量，也有可能在婚姻中催生暴力。Leonhardt等人在2020年发表在Journal of Family Psychology的一项纵向研究表明，夫妻双方认为他们在婚姻中拥有共同的权力，与较高的婚姻质量和依恋安全感有关。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"></p><h6 style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-size: 12px; font-weight: 400; color: rgb(153, 153, 153); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); text-align: center;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">图 | 电影《婚姻故事》</span></h6><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">3） 对伴侣和关系的理想化可能会经历更多的</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">“幻灭”</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">，从而影响婚姻质量</span></span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">：</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">由于“恋爱脑”个体对另一半有着不切实际的理想化，以及“无条件的爱”的要求和期待，“恋爱脑”的个体更容易体验到一种不满意感（Zoppolat et al.,2020）。</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;">因此，不成熟的爱恐怕不能为自己、伴侣或培养健康、快乐的孩子提供一个健康的环境。</span></span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">正如弗洛姆在他的作品《爱的艺术》所写的那样，“爱一个人不仅是一种强烈的感情——而且也是一项决定、一种判断、一个诺言”。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><h1 style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-size: 24px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); text-align: center;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;">03</span></h1><h1 style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-size: 24px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); text-align: center;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;">如何在走进婚姻前拥有更健康的关系模式</span><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></h1><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;">在维持关系的过程中，需要平衡爱的三要素：激情、责任、亲密。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">1）</span></span></span>了解自己，重视自己的感受、需求和价值。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: inherit;">要自爱，不要把你全身心的爱，灵魂和力量作为礼物慷慨给予，浪费在不需要和受轻视的地方。——夏洛蒂·勃朗特</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">- 关注自己的内在需要和感受，而不是满足一切外在标准、要求和期待。</span><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">- 充分理解自己的能力、弱势、价值观，了解自己的局限，接纳不足，不再渴望自己全知全能。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"></p><h6 style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-size: 12px; font-weight: 400; color: rgb(153, 153, 153); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); text-align: center;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">图 | 电影《爱在午夜降临前》</span></h6><h6 style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-size: 12px; font-weight: 400; color: rgb(153, 153, 153); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); text-align: center;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></span></h6><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">- 对自己的人生、情绪、行为、想法负起全责，但不把他人的责任扛在肩膀上。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">- 尊重自己身心发出的信号，不超支自己的身心能力，无限制地满足自己与他人的欲望。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">- 尊重他人的意愿，世界不是以自己为中心。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">2）</span></span>了解你的伴侣，将现实和对伴侣适度的理想化结合。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: inherit;">爱，便是理解同自己活法不同、感知方法不同的人，并为之喜悦。——《各种意见与箴言》尼采</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"></span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">- 一方面，从现实层面，我们需要了解对方真实的性格、生活态度、价值观，从而理解对方的反应和表达。我们要在关系中具有对对方感同身受的能力——有意愿且有能力了解他人的思想、情感和心事，当对方在向你倾诉的同时又不会产生不安全感。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">- 另一方面，理想的关系中充满了相互欣赏和感恩，研究表明（Murray et al.,2011），将伴侣适度“理想化”，可以在一定程度上预测持续的关系满意度。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"></span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">3）</span>了解成熟的爱和婚姻需要平等：“好的爱情关系像是在跳舞”。</span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: inherit;">成熟的爱是倚靠不是倚赖，倚靠是在你偶尔疲倦的时候可以靠一下，休息一下，倚赖则是赖着不走了。——蒋勋</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">Amato</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">等（2007）的研究显示，夫妻们比过去更有可能共同决策，共同决策者比伴侣一方更多地发号施令的人婚姻更幸福、更少争吵、更不容易离婚。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">婚姻受益于丈夫和妻子相互寻求帮助，以平等的伙伴的身份在一段关系中感受到平等的权利。把爱人视为平等的伴侣，实际上有助于建立幸福的亲密关系。</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: 700 !important; font-size: inherit !important;">4）在关系中，建立健康的人际边界。</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; font-weight: inherit;">就像琴上的弦，虽为同一旋律而振动，但琴与弦也是彼此分开。——选自《论婚姻》 纪伯伦</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;"/></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: tahoma, arial, sans-serif; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; zoom: 1;">建立良好的依存关系能够给双方带来持续的情谊和安全感。健康的依存方式是既不过分依赖，也不过分独立，这样的相处方式才能美好、持久。你可以通过训练自己的身份灵活性，来发展出健康的相互依存关系。</span></p><p><br/></p><link rel="stylesheet" href="//www.shidaomedia.com/source/plugin/wcn_editor/public/wcn_editor_fit.css?v134_FaA" id="wcn_editor_css"/>
啊咿呀晶兒
发表于 2022-11-28 14:55:57
玻璃晴朗，橘子辉煌。
弗德里克
发表于 2022-12-2 05:32:51
凛冬散尽，星河长明。
IQWERTYES
发表于 2022-12-10 10:25:35
生于尘埃，溺于人海，死于理想高台。
@Xizi_d8n5Prtr
发表于 2022-12-22 14:34:07
将所听到的和所看到的都坦然接受。
浑身僵硬
发表于 2022-12-31 23:02:31
幸福是一点一点争取的，是一天一天积累的。不要去伤害喜欢你的人，也不要让你喜欢的人受伤害。
imdck
发表于 2023-1-2 13:13:30
吾日三省吾身：早上吃什么？中午吃什么？晚上吃什么？
徐公子字庶
发表于 2023-1-3 10:19:37
离去，让事情变得简单，人们变得善良，像个孩子壹样，咱们重新开始。
404gg
发表于 2023-1-12 03:42:30
不吃饱哪有力气减肥啊。
keyjet
发表于 2023-1-14 08:56:55
我刚准备坠入爱河，可是河神和我说，不要往河里扔垃圾。
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